"That really triggered me!" We hear this phrase everywhere—but what does it actually mean?
The word "trigger" is thrown around a lot these days. People talk about being triggered by social media, by other people’s opinions, or by stressful situations. As if triggers are "out there" in the form of people and things.
But here’s the truth:
A trigger is not something outside of you.
It’s something within you that gets activated.
Triggers are emotional wounds from the past that haven’t fully healed. When something in the present reminds you of that old wound—even unconsciously—it brings up strong emotions like anger, sadness, or fear.
Your child ignoring you might trigger feelings of being unheard from childhood.
Your partner withdrawing might trigger abandonment wounds from the past.
A friend’s comment might trigger deep-seated self-doubt.
The good news? Your triggers are invitations to heal. Instead of blaming what’s outside of you, you can turn inward, reflect, and begin transforming those old wounds. It begins with self-awareness: learning to observe when your body is activated, recognising the sensations, then the emotions behind the sensations.
It then means learning the tools and resources to regulate your body and emotions, signalling safety for the nervous system, so that you can come back to calm. With practice, and ideally with the support of a trained coach or therapist, you'll notice that bit by bit your reactions will lessen in frequency, duration and intensity. And each time you manage to stay calm in a situation that used to knock you out for days on end, you are teaching your body a new way of being that is both empowering and loving to yourself, without disconnecting from the other.
The goal is not to never be triggered. There will always be situations in life that evoke a strong emotional response in you. This is a good thing because your emotions are important messengers. Anger, for example, tells you that you maybe need to take action in some area, or that someone has stepped over your boundaries. But it's important to note that this is a message for you: meaning it is your work to process the feeling in a healthy way, and not project it onto another, causing hurt or harm.
So, the goal instead is to ride the waves of your triggers and find ways to come back to calm. And not stay in a state of chronic stress and dysregulation for hours, days, or even years on end.
Healing your triggers leads to more peace, more love, and deeper connections with your children, partner, and yourself.
Are you ready to stop being controlled by your triggers and start healing them? Contact me for a chat and let's look at how I can support you on your journey.
Book a 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 with me via the button on my homepage: www.michellecarstens.com.
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