When Everything Looks Fine — But Something Feels Off
- Michelle Carstens
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
That uneasy feeling might be trying to tell you something.
Do you ever wake up with that uneasy feeling and your brain racing with thoughts like: “Did I do something wrong? Say something weird? Mess up with the kids again?”
Yep, been there.
I still remember one ordinary Tuesday morning back when my kids were younger. Everyone had left - the kids were at school and kindergarten - and the house was finally quiet. I was about to go to work myself, but for that short window of time, the place was mine.
You’d think that would feel like a relief. A chance to get things done, or even just take a short breather.
But I remember standing there in the kitchen, feeling deeply uneasy. Not sad exactly. Not even anxious in the obvious, racing-heart way. Just… off. Like I didn’t quite belong in my own life. Like I didn’t know where to start, or even who I was beyond all the doing.
The invisible weight
There was always something gnawing at me - a mistake I thought I’d made, a conversation I replayed and regretted, a worry about whether I’d said the wrong thing or handled a parenting moment badly. Did I mess them up? Did I make someone angry? Should I have done that differently?
It was a low-level hum that never stopped. And I woke up with it more often than not.
At the time, I didn’t have words for it. I just thought it was what adulthood felt like - that mild tension you carry everywhere. After all, everyone around me seemed just as busy, just as tired, just as stretched thin.
So I carried on. I kept busy. I checked boxes. I smiled when I was supposed to. I swallowed my “no” and said “it’s fine” when it wasn’t.
I thought being kind meant being accommodating. I thought being a good mum, partner, and friend meant putting myself last. Without realising it, I was slowly disappearing behind the roles I played.
Why so many women feel this way
That quiet sense of unease is incredibly common - especially among mothers and women who hold a lot for others.
We live in a world that celebrates productivity over presence. We’re praised for how much we can manage, how many plates we can keep spinning, how well we “hold it all together.” But few of us were ever taught how to hold ourselves.
From a young age, many of us learned to earn love and belonging by being helpful, pleasant, easy to be around. We learned to attune to everyone else’s emotions before our own. And over time, that conditioning - to meet others’ needs first - becomes so automatic we stop noticing it’s happening.
When you spend years being the peacekeeper, the organiser, the emotional anchor, it’s easy to lose touch with your own voice. You stop asking, What do I need? because it feels selfish - or worse, dangerous.
That’s the quiet self-abandonment that lives beneath so much of women’s overwhelm. It’s not weakness; it’s conditioning.
What that unease really is
Years later, through conscious parenting and my own healing journey, I finally understood what that feeling was trying to tell me.
It wasn’t that something was wrong with me. It was my body waving at me, saying, “Um... Hello? Remember me?”
That subtle discomfort was a signal - a sign that my nervous system was stuck in survival mode, and that I had been living disconnected from my own needs and truth. It was a call to slow down, to listen, to care for myself with the same compassion I offered everyone else.
And it was also about voice. About truth. About daring to take up space.
The moment we start speaking our needs and our truth - even quietly, even imperfectly - something shifts inside. Step by step we begin to notice a quiet confidence growing. Each time we do it, it gets easier. It still might feel a little scarey. But we begin to feel real again.
Our bodies often whisper before they shout. That sense of “off” is often our cue that we’ve been over-giving, under-listening, and quietly abandoning ourselves.
How to start reconnecting
You don’t need a full life overhaul to begin. Healing often starts with noticing. Here are a few small ways to begin tuning back in:
Pause before you push. When you feel that internal “rush,” take one deep breath before
doing the next thing. It interrupts autopilot mode.
Name what you feel. Even quietly saying, “I feel uneasy,” brings awareness and self-compassion.
Ask your body, not your mind. What does my body need right now - warmth, rest, movement, stillness, connection, touch?
Practice tiny truths. Speak up in small moments: “I actually need a break.” “I’d love help with
that.” “No, thank you.” "Actually, I see things differently." Each time you honour your needs, your sense of self strengthens.
Seek support. Whether that’s a friend, a coach, or a group space - you don’t have to navigate this alone. We are social creatures and are supposed to live in community, not isolation. Healing needs co-regulation as much as it needs peace.
From survival to connection The shift from survival to connection doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not about striving for constant calm or perfection - it’s about learning to recognise the signals sooner, to meet yourself with curiosity instead of criticism, and to forgive yourself when you slip. When we begin to listen to our inner world - our needs, boundaries, and truths - our outer world slowly reorganises around that authenticity. We parent differently. We partner differently. We move through life with more grace and less guilt. If this sounds familiar
If that sense of feeling off even when everything looks fine resonates, you’re not alone. This is where transformation begins.
It’s the work I support my clients with: finding their way from survival mode back to connection, ease, and presence - both with themselves and with the people they love.
Work with me
If this speaks to you, I'd love to hear from you. I offer a free discovery call - a gentle space to explore what’s going on beneath the surface - and in-person sessions in Munich or online worldwide.
About Michelle
Michelle Carstens is a Conscious Parenting & Relationship Coach based in Munich, Germany. She helps parents, couples, and individuals release stress, self-doubt, and overwhelm so they can build deeper connection — with themselves and the people they love. Her trauma-informed coaching weaves together inner child healing, emotional regulation, and presence-based communication, guiding clients to break generational patterns and create relationships that feel calm, authentic, and alive.
✨ Presence. Healing. Connection.
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