When Your Child Is Talking… But You’re Somewhere Else Entirely

Do you ever find yourself nodding along to your child while your mind is a thousand kilometres away? I have. More than once. When my younger son was about eight, he went through a phase of being completely obsessed with our city’s soccer team. He knew every player’s stats, collected stickers, wore the team kit to school, and followed every match like a tiny sports analyst.

I even took him to the training grounds a few times. We’d stand by the parking ramp so he could catch a glimpse of the players arriving in their fancy cars. Some even waved. His face would light up like Christmas. Looking back, it was adorable. And even then, I knew it wouldn’t last forever. The chatter I couldn’t keep up with He talked so much. Like… SO much. A never-ending stream of stories, facts, questions, thoughts. He could talk without pausing to breathe, I’m sure of it. And me? I was overwhelmed. Not by him - by everything else inside my own head. My days were packed until school pick-up, and there was still so much “to do” after: organising, planning, shopping, appointments, dinners, and generally trying to keep everything ticking along. My mind was constantly checking, worrying, replaying conversations, wondering whether I’d disappointed someone or fallen short somewhere (hello, old patterns). So, when he launched into his enthusiastic monologue about the Bayern Munich line-up, my body was there… but my presence wasn’t. “Yes.” “Mmm-hmm.” “Oh really?” “Aha.” I was responding, but not with him. My nervous system was stretched thin. And the joyful chatter of my eight-year-old sometimes felt like too much to handle. The ache of hindsight What I wouldn’t give now to have that chatty little sunshine next to me again, talking my ear off. Today he’s a wonderful teenager - funny, grounded, independent. We’re close, but he’s busy with friends, school, sport. Some days all I get is a grunt. As he should. He’s growing up. And because I know these moments don’t circle back, I show up differently now. When I’m with him, I’m with him. I put my phone down. I turn away from the laptop. I ask. I listen. And now, a gentle invitation for you When you’re with your children, partner or friends… Are you truly there - or somewhere else entirely? What happens inside you when you slow down? What thoughts rush in? What does that inner voice say? How does your body feel? For many of us, slowing down sounds lovely - in theory. In practice, it can feel deeply uncomfortable. Because somewhere along the line we learned that if we’re not doing, achieving or producing, we’re not valuable or lovable.

And yet here’s the paradox: If we’re always in “doing mode,” we’re not actually with our children. And it’s our presence - not our productivity - that builds their sense of worth. If this resonates

If you recognise yourself in this story, please know you’re not alone. This is a deeply human pattern, especially for parents carrying a lot - mentally, emotionally, practically.

Conscious Parenting Coaching helps you gently untangle what’s driving the overwhelm so you can find calm, clarity and genuine connection with your child (and yourself). If this resonates, feel free to book a free discovery call - no pressure, no obligation. Let's just chat and see what’s possible for you and your family. Warmest,

Michelle x

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About Michelle

Michelle Carstens is a Conscious Parenting & Relationship Coach based in Munich, Germany. She helps parents, couples, and individuals release stress, self-doubt, and overwhelm so they can build deeper connection — with themselves and the people they love. Her trauma-informed coaching weaves together inner child healing, emotional regulation, and presence-based communication, guiding clients to break generational patterns and create relationships that feel calm, authentic, and alive.

✨ Presence. Healing. Connection.

Learn more at michellecarstens.com →