Which Version of You Shows Up at Christmas?

Have you ever noticed yourself slipping into an old version of you — especially around certain people? The one who reacts before you can stop yourself? The one you thought you’d outgrown?

It happened to me just the other day.

Someone made a comment that sounded kind enough on the surface, but landed strangely a moment later. At first, my old peacekeeping self took over — the part of me that hates conflict — and I automatically smiled and said, “Oh, sure.” Only a few minutes later did I feel that familiar twist in my stomach. Something in me knew it hadn’t been kindness at all, but a passive-aggressive little poke dressed up as advice.

And then came the frustration: frustration at not noticing it in the moment, and frustration at not responding with the clear, kind boundary it actually needed.

Ah… there it is again. That younger part of me that has always tried to keep the peace — the pleaser who minimises her own needs so no one else gets upset.

Even after years of inner work and training as a conscious parenting coach, these old parts can still get activated. They show up in moments that touch something familiar inside us — the urge to appease, to smooth things over, to keep things “nice,” no matter the cost.

Our bodies remember.

And with the Christmas season coming up, it felt like the perfect moment to talk about this — because if there’s any time of year when our old roles come roaring back, it’s now.

The Roles We Learned to Play

We all have them — the roles we slip into without even noticing.

Not roles we consciously chose, but ones we learned because they once made sense. Roles that helped us feel safe, accepted, or valued in our families.

Maybe you were…

• the responsible one

• the organiser

• the mediator

• the achiever

• the perfectionist

• the funny one who lightened the mood

• the one who held everything together

Or maybe you coped in the opposite way — you were the fighter, the one who pushed back, challenged, or became the “difficult one” because staying silent felt impossible.

These roles become so familiar that we slip into them automatically, almost without a breath. Suddenly, we’re reacting like a younger version of ourselves — even though our adult self knows better, wants better, and is capable of something entirely different.

And that matters. Because when an old role is driving, we’re not responding from presence. We’re responding from who we once needed to be, not who we actually are today.

Which Version of You Shows Up?

Here’s something to gently notice over the next few weeks:

When you’re with your family or loved ones during the holidays, which version of you shows up?

And…

How might you respond differently if you were coming from your most grounded, authentic self instead of an old role?

In my last post, I talked about slowing down so we can be more present — not only with our kids and the people we love, but with ourselves. This is exactly why it matters: slowing down helps us notice the subtle triggers, the unconscious patterns, and the emotional echoes that live inside our bodies.

Awareness is what creates choice. Choice is what creates change. And change is what shifts relationships — including the one we have with ourselves.

If You’d Like Support Navigating This Season

If you’re curious to explore your patterns, understand your triggers, and connect more deeply with your children and loved ones, this is the heart of my work.

I currently have two coaching spaces available in December for anyone wanting more clarity, calm, and connection before the year ends.

You’re welcome to book a free discovery call to explore what might support you right now.

Wishing you a peaceful and calm Christmas season — one where you get to show up as you.

Warmest,

Michelle

Book a free discovery call →

About Michelle

Michelle Carstens is a Conscious Parenting & Relationship Coach based in Munich, Germany. She helps parents, couples, and individuals release stress, self-doubt, and overwhelm so they can build deeper connection — with themselves and the people they love. Her trauma-informed coaching weaves together inner child healing, emotional regulation, and presence-based communication, guiding clients to break generational patterns and create relationships that feel calm, authentic, and alive.

✨ Presence. Healing. Connection.

Learn more at michellecarstens.com →